Dwa Tao Life

I am ..quite glad with myself. :) Just received two returned assignments. The grades are acceptable but it’s the markers’ comments that brightened up my day,. They are very very encouraging, really motivates me to work harder for my next assignment, because they had been kind enough to show me that hard work..does pay :) My confidence was dropped to close to zero for the last two semesters, especially after I failed two assignments, one of which is Sociology, my better subject. I seriously doubted myself, thinking that perhaps Level 3 subjects are too much for me. But now, I had slowly gain back my confidence. =D DY..Gambatee!!

My next little achievement :D Which, is, hmm…quite worth mentioning for people who know me for long. Ever since i stopped working, I promise myself I must learn to cherish and respect people and their time, and the schedule set: I have learnt to be punctual. So far, I think I am doing quite fine for planned events :) Even for school, I was only late for one morning class (even though I was up real early…but i wasnt in a good state so I took my own sweet time to leave house). 

I would like to attribute this little achievemen to those who have been waiting for me in silence, without complains, all these while. I have learned to be punctual, seriously for you. Your patience touched me, woke me up. And I am so sorry that I had been wasting your time all these while. I will try to make up in my remaining part of my existence in this world ;)

To: Yenping & Baoling [the all time biggest wait-tress...they are like..born to wait for people...haiz..], Goddad, Kai Koon, Zhi Zhong, Uncle Guni, Veron Tan, Benny Lau, Bird, Zhi hao, Li Min, Chow Chow, Ke Li, Serene [WAHHHHHHH....i must be sooooo inconsiderate! didnt expect the list to be SOOOO long!!!]

Like I said, I will try. I have been through a year of “never-enough-time” for the last year hence I know it is really bad of me to make people spend their time waiting for me. Everyone, show respect everyone’s time. Nobody’s time is less important. :) Soooo~~ keep it up, DY! =P

Next, an MV to share with everyone. Although the story is cliche..but it really reminds us to cherish what we have. Dont only cherish when things are beyond repair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35qJBDGYOFA

Enjoy..nice song too.

**pardon my grammar and tenses for this entry. Its late at night…and my brain had been fried after a marathon of assignments X.x

Woohoo!!! I finally got net access at home! (after dunno how many nth tries!!!)

Cool! I had so much to write since then, but now, all was clogged up in an integrated mesh, and I do not have much time to sieve them through before my network @ home dies on me again.

So, I shall start with the easiest! I finally got my hand on the book Twilight! Ever since Mr M. passed me the excerpt to read, I was quite intrigued by why was it so popular in the States? So, I reserved a copy from NLB and got it. and……I have to really admit and warn: It is addictive. To such extent that I can compare the intensity with Harry Potter series. ( I just have to emphasize …I like Harry Potter Books…but not the movie. Ugh! ).

It is really a teen flick. Teen girls flick to be exact. Like I have admitted to Mr. M. and korkor, I think I will never grow out of my teen girl fantasy phase. Now, I am craning my neck for a vampire boyfriend!! haha.

Anyway, its about a girl and a vampire family story. I can’t say too much in case of being accidentally including spoilers (I am very very strict on this principle: Never tell anyone the plot of a novel or movie, unless I am DEAD SURE they are not going to find out themselves). I guess other than the obvious reasons, another reason why I am drawn to this book is, I can relate to the girl. As in, I understood her rationale and her reactions. It was amazing that someone could wrote my thoughts and reactions so expressively in a novel, built in a character. haha.

Also, I admit I am sucker for series.I simply cannot forgive the authors to just stop at one book after I had grown on the characters they had built. So I was constantly looking for books that don’t end at one. My last before Meyer’s Twilight Series was by an actress name Sharri Shattuck. Don’t really like her style, trying very hard to be witty and seductive, but, she continues her story after the first book…so…well, like I said, I am a sucker for series. (Now, I had evolved though..I am a sucker for blood suckers!! haha)

Back to my vampires, after the first book Twilight, I was contemplating, maybe this will be the next series that I will collect after Harry Potter. And, the fourth book was just launched as well =D. I finally have something to look forward to while waiting for Harry Potter’s last book! And now, after I have finished the second book, New Moon, and reread the first book, I can bet my bare throat on a vampire’s fangs that I am SOOOO going to collect the series. Sigh, but that gotta wait after my school though. When I start to be back on the payroll again =)

So looking forward to the Eclipse and Breaking Dawn now. ahhh…the Cullens…*drool* and oh, the werewolves were quite cute too!  =P

Hmmm…just realised what I had wrote is not even close to a review, just a relevation of how…erm, easily attracted I was….=P

OMG…just heard today while I was watching Dark Knight that Morgan Freeman got into an accident!

Just finished another book. GIRL ALONE by Rupa Gulab.

I have to shamefully admit that I nearly put down the book after my first couple of pages of the book, when I learnt that it is an indian writer, and the scene of the story was set in India. Firstly, I was not interested and don’t think I will be interested to find out about cough-syrup junkie in the country and secondly, I really admitted with UTMOST shame and guilt that I was prejudiced : that the story will not be interesting or relevant to me. I am really grateful to my own rationale fighting with my “normalised” bias, and I decided to give the book another shot. I didnt regret.

This is about a book on a girl, who was an emotionally insecure intellectual snob (sounds really like someone I know..hah) and who just happened to meet all the wrong guys. She always turned to cough-syrup and “judgmental friends” to numb her pain. This book is about reality, not packaged, no additional “best seller effects”. The writer,really has an acidic tongue. Whoever has commented me that my tongue is like acid..please go read the book and you will see me as a tamed kitty in future. =) The blurb was quite right about “an irresistible blend of satiric wit”. Meow…

Best Quotes that I like:

“..I already am using the world’s best oral contraceptive: the word ‘no’.”

“In love, as in life, everything’s an illusion…”

“Men only want you when you don’t want them anymore” so “if a commitment phobe is giving you a really hard time, leave him”.

I quite agree with what she has said, especially the last sentence. Most men are quite phobic about committing themselves, and in this novel, (or biography), the writer’s 4-year boyfriend agreed to marry her but chicken out after that. Even though when she was needy and cannot stand the idea of being single, she can’t go back to him anymore. Who can trust someone to chicken out of something so sacred not to chicken out again the second time? I definitely can’t. I can’t live with the stress and daily paranoia when he was going to say “i think we should rethink about it”.

However, come to think of it, I am probably the commitment phobe now. I never stayed long in a permanent job enough to enjoy the bonus and the perks. And my relationships just come and go. I really do not wish to go through the whole painful process of deciding if I should drop a mismatched r/s that was otherwise non-violent, non-traumatic, non-lifethreatening.* I would prefer an easy exit now if I sense something is not right. I quite believe that I have used up my “dumping” coupons and I am sure to get dumped for the next r/s I get in. Which probably,is not too bad as well.

Gulab wrote in her book “I wish there could be marriage-at first-sight. Then we wouldn’t have to go through all this painful love crap”. I agree whole-heartedly. But I also kudos to those who are brave enough to take the plunge into the M-pool. It is seriously not that easy to live together with someone. I can think of one hundred things now that I will be uncomfortable with. In the book, the girls used raw eggs whisk as facial mask in the house, to see if the partner will be turned off. According to them…you still have to stick to your waxing schedule and cucumber-on-face schedule, which may be something that the guys are not prepared of.** 

Anyway, my biggest question to those who intend to get married..

…can you stand the idea of farting in each other’s presence?*** hmm, maybe I should learn how to produce a melodious fart before I consider any commitment. That will definitely score on the desirability chart and hey, I may even be able to make a living through busking!

*my philosophy of life…if it cant kill..then it should not be too
bad. if it only will kill you and not others..it is still not as bad

**Hey stupid guys, you think all girls are born pretty and hairless? They are hard (and painful) work involved ok?.

***My 2nd aunt was a very cool and composed lady. I remembered thinking that everything is beautiful and elegant about her. I even had a discussion with my cousin (her daughter) if she ever heard her mother fart. The answer is..NO. Wahhhhhhhhhh….but my 2nd aunt was very cool about it. She said with dignity “of course everyone farts..”

****PS: I am not a big-time farter. Please dont be mistaken.

Stumbled upon this when I was at a Dreams website. Something to ponder upon,especially for those who are always dissatisfied with their appearance, environment and life and get upset at every little thing. Try to imagine that you are your own neighbour…

I & I

I had a dream I lived next door to me.
What I saw was

          fear and vanity.
I, I, I, I, me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I, me, me,

          me, me.
I never knew my personality,
Until I lived next door to

          me.
I’m the water, I’m the sky, I’m the one, ’cause I am

          I.

I & I, and me & me, I, I, I … me & me.
I

          & I, and me & me, I, I, I … me & me.

What struck

          me most about me was my decor.
I must have dressed myself for mi

          amour.
I saw a fool just wasting time.
Not leaving anything real

          behind …

I & I, and me & me, I, I, I … me &

          me.
What’s my life if it’s only me? I, I, I … me & me.
It

          was all about me.
It was ALL about me. (I forgot about you)
It

          was all about ME.

I had a dream I lived next door to me

          (24/7). What I saw was pure insanity.
I never knew how selfish I

          could be,
Until I lived next door to me.

 Taja Sevelle I & I/Toys Of Vanity-album 

I was clearing up my books last week to make space for new texts. (I really hate to throw away textbooks you know…one of my classmates used to laugh at me, saying I have a fetish for books…). I came across some of my old journals and have a read at them. Whoa~ Big Surprise, I Get.

Some of the encounters that I had dutifully jotted down do not tally with those in my current memory. It is like, hey, I remembered I had saved the document in Excel Format in my computer, but when I try to retrieve it, it is in Word document format? Ok, this is a lame metaphor, but you get what I am saying.

Isnt it amazing? That your memories will be distorted after time? In fact, I should use the word creepy or freaky. So…what is real? Now at this present moment, I can remember what I’ve done and what kind of person I am. But in another couple of years, will there be a distorted image of who I am and what I’ve done? For all you know, I might even be able to convince myself that I was E.T. coming from another planet, trying to make a phone call on Planet Earth but lost my memory!

I never believe there’s absolute truth out there…but this is scary…i now beginning to really believe…nothing is REAL out there…

        Me do not exist. What Thou think Thou have known is just my state of consciousness…which may not even be real….

~~~which leads me to further thinking that…if I do not exist, you do not exist too. So why should anyone of us be so upset over anything? In the end, none of us exists, it’s just our consciousness. And consciousness, don’t get upset.

Just finished reading a book today. CONFESSIONS OF A FALLEN ANGEL by Ronan O’ Brien.

Beautiful story that warns you not to take life for granted, especially those that you love and cherish. And also, be contented with what you have for now, as the reality can be harsh…and gets harsher.. Always believe in the goodwill within and beyond yourself, BELIEVE that everyone, can make a difference.

Quotes that I like from the book:
“it is good to believe in things…just make sure the cat doesnt run out of lives”
“everyone who walks upon this earth leaves behind a footprint that will always be there..there is a goodness inside all of us…and that is what prevails when everything else has turned to dust”
“We read to know that we are not alone…”

Here’s the passage which amazes me. Hence the topic header of this entry.
“…I loved her with every ounce of life in my body…”
And believe me, this is just a BRIEF summary of the writer’s declaration of his love for his wife…

Makes me really wonder…is there really such love ? So deep, so instinctive, so unpredictable and unexplainable? Will I know one if I meet one? Sounds really…breathtaking…

I’ve officially left Company S. I’ve left my favourite colleagues, my favourite kor kor, my favourite boss in the company. On my last day, I went to the office with only 10% of me. The other 90%, I sent it elsewhere, so I will not get too emotional. I
tried to clear my desk only close to the after office hours, so my colleagues will not be too upset too. It worked, I know it would, coz this is the nth time I’ve left a company. But seriously, I love the people and working environment there.

Ever since I started work (proper, full time job) after I graduated from poly, I had the special feeling for this company even though it wasnt the company that I worked for. Years passed when I moved out from the industry,and I just seem to always get into the picture of their business somehow. I can never forget how my kor kor took care of me when I started out in the industry, fresh, green, and most of all, lost. He could have forgotten, but I remembered very clearly. He told me not to go back to the office for work after I sent him some tapes to edit even though there’s still sometime away from knock-off time. Not long after, I had his handphone number and office number engraved in the back of my mind, as that became my helpline because my boss then, was, erm, a bit preoccupied to guide me. He definitely made my entry into the industry much easier,and friendlier.

Never had I thought I will get to work with my current boss. Many times I had rubbed shoulder with him. Even when I helped out the company for about 3 months temporarily before they found someone to work for them. This time round, it was the longest period of time that I’ve ever worked for someone without throwing in my resignation letter. Ha, and what’s more, even though I know my school schedule will be too hectic for me to bear, I still tried very hard to extend the contract. Mainly because, he is the BEST boss I had ever had. Imagine, a boss that trust you and give you freedom in the jobscope. His motto: As long as you get the job done, he don’t care how you do it, when you do it, where you do it. And what’s best, when you get into trouble or screw things up, he helped you clear up the mess and he never ever attributed the blame to you alone, he see it as a team effort…(and hence a team-screw-up). He really don’t treat you as a subordinate, but a team mate, that worked together. Gosh! He really made the long hours and bitchy nature of my working life much easier, and very very pleasant. Too bad, I wasnt really competent enough to juggle full time studies and work at the same time =( I have to leave. *sob*

It is really rare for me to get so attached with my working colleagues…but I really cannot imagine how lonely my school life will be without them. Imagine I cannot turn to whoever is sitting beside me and rolled eyes at some stupid comments by the lecturers. Imagine I had to have my lunch with people whom I don’t really share the same frequency with, I have to explain alot.  Sigh…I miss them so much already. (Even though we just had a night of board games…)

I just hope Time can passed faster this time…
Bless my colleagues…